Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Glad We Got That Straightened Out

"Pope Benedict XVI approved a document released Tuesday that says other Christian communities are either defective or not true churches and the Roman Catholic Church provides the only true path to salvation."

In all honesty, I don't believe that this is true. In fact, I think that Pope Benedict XVI is talking out of his ass. But I'm not 100% certain. There is a part of me (~0.0006%) that thinks Pope Benedict may be right about that. If I die, that teeny tiny part of me would see Saint Peter at the pearly gates and blurt out, "I thought so!" Oh, how my mind would whirr! What would I say to Peter? Should I act meek? Yes! I should definitely act meek. I figure once I get into Heaven, I can get a little snippy about the Crusades and the pre-paid indulgences and the creepy figurines, not to mention the ridiculous stories in the Old Testament, but the last thing I want to do is argue with the great Saint Peter. I mean, if the Catholic Church ends up being true and I see Pearly Gates atop white fluffy clouds after dying, it wouldn't be difficult to imagine the fiery flames of eternal malediction. If all goes well, I'll do a lot of time in Purgatory, repenting for riding my bike on Sunday and saving money in mutual funds, and then I'll go to Heaven. Here's my story: I was taken in by the Mormon church, and in leaving what I thought to be false, I threw the baby out with the bathwater. I couldn't replace my concept of God with anything tangible, but now I realize that I should have been baptized in the Roman Catholic Church. My bad. That's what I'll say. And I'll grovel. Oh please, oh please, oh please. I'm so sorry, so very, very sorry. Please, please, please forgive me. It's all so clear!