Wednesday, October 10, 2007

What to Call Bad People

Warning: This entry contains language of a most foul and degrading nature. So deal, motherfucker!

Person of Bad ConductWhat to Call Them
The guy who yells at cyclists from a passenger windowAssclown
The corpulent man at the next table who blows his nose like a goose and mumbles something like "Mebs" for no reasonDouchelord
Woman who instructs you on your way out the door to pick up some fucking Menthol Lites or don't come the fuck homeBattle Axe
The server who ignores you the whole meal and then puts on a big smile when she gives you the check and explains how busy she isSlutmonkey
The guy who comes to a complete stop in the right lane and makes a slow left turnYou don't call him anything; you just check out his demographic, because you have a working hypothesis...
A politician who doesn't recall anything while testifyingRepublican
The guy who sets off a bomb in a crowded bus stationSilly Goose
The guy who calls someone a "Fucktard"Fuckwit
A manager who yells at workersCaptain Happy
A guy who calls people with children "breeders"Dog Fucker
The slick guy who talks aloud into an ear phone in a public placeTit
A guy from Colorado SpringsAsshole
They guy who throws cigarette butts into a urinalTurd Bloom
The person with an ongoing car alarm problemPudsniffer


  1. This is an extremely useful matrix, Mr. Bringhurst. I'll keep a copy in my car, taped to the driver's side vanity mirror.

    One question though: For whom would you use the term "dillweed?"

  2. Dillweed - That's for the person who laughs at you when you're throwing up at a party. When you finish throwing up, you say to the person who's still laughing, "You're a dillweed." And then you both have another drink.

  3. I believe Hillary perfected the term "I'm sorry I don't recall"