My older brother has talked for years about wanting to get a Corvette. I get the sense that driving a nice car isn't on Mark's wish list; it's on his need list. He even knows which kind of Corvette he wants. I suppose I feel that way about other things, like mountain bikes and iPods, but I've never come close to having the car-as-a-status-symbol mindset.
If I were to rent a car this weekend, here's how the conversation would go:
Rental Car Guy: Welcome Mister, uh, Bringhurst, what kind of car would you like to drive?
Me: It doesn't matter. The cheapest one that has an air conditioner and stereo.
RCG: Oh surely you have some preference!
Me [Not wanting to offend]: OK, I'm in kind of a party mood. How about a Ford Festiva?
RCG: We don't have any Ford Festivas.
Me: Are you sure? Can you check in the back?
RCG: No, we don't have any Ford Festivas. Perhaps--
Me: How about a Saturn Outlook?
RCG: We have an Outlook, but it's gray.
Me: No, that's too bleak. How about a Ford Focus?
RCG: We lack that.
Me: Then how about a Toyota Echo?
RCG: I'm sorry, sir. We don't have an Echo.
Me: I'm sorry, sir. We don't have an Echo.
RCG: I don't understand.
Me: I don't understand.
RCG: Why are you repeating me?
Me: Why are you repeating me?
RCG: That's not very funny, sir. In fact, it sounds dangerously close to a pun, which is the lowest form of humor.
Me: Why are imaginary car rental guys so humorless?
RCG: I don't know. Frankly, I'm not interested in post-modernism.
Me: OK, then can you point me to a Dodge Dart?
That's about enough of that. I'm pretty sure I have something else to do.
[Special thanks to Steve for providing a few new car puns. Feel free to add your own in comments, and I'll "leverage" them.]
Dagnabbit all, I don't get the punchline. Was it a full stoop to punning? ("Point" to a Dart) Then again, maybe it was more akin to Objet d'Art. Would it help to know what post-modernism really means?ReplyDelete
I hate to admit that the low-brow stuff may be all I'm meant to understand. (In the past I've made fun of puns, too, but only because I had one of my own to inflict.) You showed good judgment in avoiding some that come to mind. RCG could have lacked a Focus. He may have had an Outlook, but only a very gray one.
I also noticed that you sidestepped asking RCG if he had any Toyota Prii. You may well have wondered whether the proper plural of the Latin "prius" is with the i ending when in fact it's meant as an adjective and not a noun in its regular second declension. (Final aside: I had to wikipedia up to make myself sound smart after perpetrating puns prior to this -- and an unpalatable penchant for alliterative p's.)
I think I have something better to do now too.
did you say "i've never had sex with two people on the same day"?ReplyDelete
Steve - Your suggestions are so good that I'm going to steal them. That's right. I'm editing the entry.ReplyDelete
Dug - That's the kind of things people say at those parties. And some people have to throw their money in.
i've heard tell of that sort of thing, i must admit. still, it's pretty shocking.ReplyDelete
Every man should own a Corvette before they die.ReplyDelete