Monday, March 17, 2008

Best Laid Plans

I have a friend who is so confident in the expression of his needs that he gets away with anything. He's also the proverbial smartest guy in the room and immensely likeable, so any quirkiness is not only forgiven, but celebrated. Stan could cut you off mid-sentence and say, "I'm going to go to a different room because I'm tired of talking to you," and you'd be thankful for his refreshing honesty.

He and Grey were supposed to come visit us this weekend, but he called on Saturday afternoon to say that they were having an argument that couldn't be quickly resolved, so he had to cancel the trip. They were going to finish their argument in Portland.

Whenever Stan and Grey come up to visit, it's a celebration. For one thing, it's always fun when an anti-social person like Stan comes out of his shell and drinks and laughs with you. For another thing, we always play poker. Everyone buys in for $3 worth of chips, and off we go. Since I'm a fantastic poker player, I was looking forward to supplementing my income this weekend. Poker is easier money than the alternative -- exotic dancing. With my counterproductive bronchial spasms, it would take my longer than usual to fill my g-string with greenbacks, and by the end of the night, I could look forward only to exhaustion. If the government would reverse its decision and see fit to give me my share of the stimulus package, I wouldn't have to dance sexily or abuse my friends at poker. I could just relax and watch television.

Anyway, when I told Wendy that Stan cancelled his visit because he was having an argument with Grey, Max wanted to know why they were arguing. He and Luke began to speculate:

"Maybe Stan was supposed to drive first, and Grey wouldn't let him," supposed Max.

"Or maybe Grey wanted to be the first to climb a tree, and Stan wouldn't let her," offered Luke.

"Or maybe Stan called Grey a butt," said Max.

"Yeah, a dumb butt," said Luke.

I think they're onto something. Good luck with your argument, dumb butts.


  1. At first, try as I might, I couldn't recognize who these friends might be. But then, once I realized that you had probably not used their real names so as not to humiliate them publicly, I figured it out: Schman and Schmrey!

    Too bad the visit didn't work out. It would have been much more fun calling them dumb butts right to their... butts.

  2. The surprising part to me was that our shy, anti-social Bob was really bummed all night. He doesn't get out much.

  3. As some of our friends know, to insure a tranquil home life, Stan and I always solve our issues on the open road. This time, realizing we had no issues, the drive to Anacortes was a peaceful one, with me napping on and off while Stan explained Hegel.

    Little did we know that an unscheduled issue was going to leap out and bite us the minute we left Anacortes Saturday morning! Well, everyone knows two hours is not enough, so, even though Schminette long ago assured us that we would be welcome even if we arrived mortal enemies, we thought it best to keep our conversation confined to the highway for three more hours.

    But, Lord, what a post! I can't decide which is funnier--that first paragraph or the twins' speculations (they pretty much got it right). Thank you for the belly laughs.


  4. Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Home Theater, I hope you enjoy. The address is A hug.

  5. When my husband calls me a dumb butt, I throw him out of the car and continue driving to my destination without him. But, in our 17 months of marriage, he has never yet failed to offer me first dibs on the tree climbing. Color me a lucky girl.


  6. Bob,

    You need to tell Stan and Grey that you are quite used to couples arguing right in front of you, until they are blue in the face--even sorting out divorce negotiations.

    Next time they come, though, you and Wendy should just leave right then, telling them you need to argue with each other while Stan and Grey watch the boys:)

    You are still funnier than hell.