Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Turtle Diary

I let Wendy talk me into getting turtle pets for Luke and Max. I know this is a mistake. I have a theory that pets teach children that their parents will neglect living creatures and let them die, and I want to at least pretend to be a nurturing father to my children. Wendy got the turtles from the father* of a 12-year-old girl who no longer cared about the turtles and even forgot their names. Bob and Bob 1 or Paul and Paul 1, or something like that.

The boys decided on new names right away. Taking the George Foreman approach, Luke and Max named the turtles Luke and Max, respectively. Wendy shot that idea down, so the boys named them something like Poony and Gartran. We had no problem with this, but the names were quickly forgotten, and the turtles had to be renamed yet again. Luke called his turtle Speedy (pronounced "peedy") and Max called his turtle Gumby (pronounced "dummy"). I thought those were perfectly good names, but this morning I found out they were being called Mr. Turtle and Mr. No No. What the hell? I'm giving them one more day to come up with solid names, or I'm going to intervene. Here are some possibilities (one is a male; the other is either female or a eunuch):

Brady and Belichek
Darcy and Elizabeth
Gawain and Green Knight
Nicholas and Rasputin
Huckleberry and Jim
Dick and George
Lenny and George
Porgy and Bess
Guildenstern and Rosencrantz

Got any suggestions?

* For ye olde WordPerfect folks, the former turtle owner is the one and only Mike Grayson.


  1. Jean-Paul and Simone
    Bonnie and Clyde
    Ren and Stimpy

  2. I'm thinking Jan and Ian.

  3. Teach them their people's heritage:

    Joseph and Boggs
    Brigham and wives
    Laverl and LaVaughn

  4. Cain and Abel. When one of them dies, you'll either be able to claim to be biblical or postmodern, depending on which goes first.

  5. stan & oliver
    Ladainian & Tomlinson
    Hillary & Bill
    Jesus & Mary
    john & Yoko
    Dweezil & Moon Unit

  6. Gin and Tonic (oh wait, these belong to kids)

    P.B. and Jay
    Howard and Robin
    Paul and Art (easier for kids to say than Simon and Garfunkel)
    Nachos and Cheese

  7. Quixote and Panza (rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?)
    OR, Long Ranger and Tanto

  8. Napoleon and Josephine. I'd love to hear how they pronounce those.